So, after at least a couple of years going back and forth to doctors, doing all sorts of tests, spending tons of money, we had to discouragingly admit that it had not really accomplished anything. We were exactly where we started…only a little poorer. (and yes, I know that’s bad grammar) ;) lol
We had finally come to a place where we needed to evaluate what, if anything, we could do. We took some time to pray and finally decided to look into adoption. First off, we thought we’d just go to our hometown Department of Children’s Services. Well, we totally didn’t have a clue. When we walked in their office and said “We’d like to adopt a newborn baby”, they practically laughed us out the door. You always hear people say things like, “Oh just adopt a baby”. Most people really have no idea what an ordeal it can be. So, we knew that we couldn’t just go through DCS. It just wasn’t possible. So, I did a little research. (this was back before internet was in every home) so it took quite a bit of time to just locate some different agencies. At this time, we had been married about three years. After talking to more than a dozen agencies, I found myself more discouraged by the minute. They had very strict guidelines and criteria that you had to meet. And for EVERY ONE of them, you had to be married AT LEAST five years. So, again we had to wait.
***We learned to do a LOT of waiting. Nothing involving infertility can be rushed. It takes TIME! And it’s hard to wait…but you simply have no choice. You just wait. So, wait we did…for two more years. Our intention was to get in touch with an adoption agency when we hit the five year mark. So, we just decided to sit tight and wait. (it’s not like we were being super spiritual—we really had no choice) When we finally made it to our five year anniversary, I called the agency. (we had narrowed it down to two choices-because they were all mostly church affiliated and you had to belong to their particular brand of church…for instance…Church of Christ, Southern Baptist, Nazarene, etc.) So, basically there were only two of the agencies on my list that accepted families that didn’t belong to a particular group. I was excited to call them. We hoped that we were finally going to get the ball rolling, so to speak. When I called, I got a surprise. Their list was closed! But, we could, however, get on the list TO GET ON THE LIST! Unbelievable, I know. We did tell them that we would like to get on the list to be on the list. They told us to call in six months. I called again in six months. Same thing. They said call again in six months. Same thing again. We went through this process for a couple of years.
Then, through someone that we know, we were contacted by a preacher in another town. He told us that he had had an older lady come to his church and she had recently gotten saved. She was expecting a child but was not in a position to be able to care for it. So, she wanted a Christian family to adopt it. He had heard of our situation and had asked for our number. We called him and told him that we would be happy, so happy to adopt her baby. She didn’t want to meet us (and we really weren’t too comfortable with an open adoption at the time either) so it was to all be taken care through the preacher. We got an attorney who drew up all our paper work, and we were preparing to do everything that we needed to do in order to have it all ready when the baby came. Everything seemed to be going along fine. The preacher would call occasionally to share how the birthmother was doing. We were really excited because it seemed like this might really work out. Then one day, the preacher called us and shared with us that she was having a girl. We were so excited. It seemed like a dream. But within a few days, the preacher called us back. He said she wanted our number. That she had begun to feel insecure, as if we were just trying to get her baby, and didn’t care about her at all. (she had had a drug problem before she was saved and the preacher felt like she might be having some sort of relapse) We were really uncertain about what we should do. He called several times and each time it seemed that she was becoming more and more unstable. So, we talked our attorney. He advised us to let this one go. He felt like the situation was just too volatile . Like she might be apt to change her mind and decide to get the baby back. He believed this was too much of a risk. With hearts broken more than we could ever express, we had to contact the preacher and tell him that we couldn’t do it. This was devastating for us. We decided right then and there that we would not ever try a “private” adoption again. ***and this is not to say it doesn’t work out for some—I know one family that adopted two beautiful children through private adoption. But, we were so heartbroken and just scared to go out on that limb again.
Then, it came time again to call the agency. Unbelievably, this time they gave us a date to call upon which they were going to accept ten names to add to their list. They would open the phones at the start of the business day and would take ten names only. (this was really just a preliminary list, not the actual list) So, on that morning, I actually called before opening hours. (I was just so excited) And I got a BUSY signal! So I called again, and again, and finally I got through. We DID it! We got our name on that list. Sure, it was just a preliminary list, we would still have a wait, but at least it was a start. We could finally feel like we were doing something. Now, we just had to wait on them to contact us to let us know when and what we needed to do to begin our home study. They did tell us that this could take as long as a couple of years (they had quite a long list) but this would give us time to save our money. The cost of adoption can be very expensive and as I said before, we were on a VERY limited budget. So, now we are waiting again…but at least this time, there was something worth waiting for. We could be saving our money while we waited, and hopefully our arms wouldn’t be empty much longer.
That’s all for this post. We still have a ways to go. Hang in there! J